One of the worst things you can do is start a relationship with someone and then set about trying to change him or her. This usually comes about because you were attracted to certain parts of a person such as their looks, sense of humor or intelligence. Anything that’s not so appealing to you are things that you figure you can take care of once you’ve snagged them, and that’s something that cannot be further from the truth.

When you take on someone to have a relationship with, you take them as they are. There’s really no other choice in the matter because any changing that you attempt to do with is just going to push them away from you. Besides, when you’re looking for someone to love, you most likely don’t go around picking someone just for their good looks. Starting with a shell is never a good idea. You find someone that you’re drawn to for various reasons and not just because their hot.

In fact, the old adage of not judging a book by its cover also applies when choosing the right mate. They may look awesome on the outside but you have noting in common to build on. Sadly, it’s not unusual for beauty to hide an ugly personality. So while they may have the face of an angel, that doesn’t mean they has the heart of one.

On the other hand, when you meet someone that draws your attention, take mental notes of the things you like about them. If the list is long enough, you may want to pursue this a bit. The one thing you do not want to do is go into things thinking that the few things you may not like about a person are things that you can fix. If you’re attracted to them as they are, you’re going to have to accept the rest of them, too.

Acceptance doesn’t mean change isn’t possible or soot after. When a person wants to commit to change, they do it because they feel inspired to do so. Any change forced is a change that won’t last.

Also, consider that you’re not so perfect, either. There may be things about you that others would love to change but they don’t try because the rest of you is rather endearing. Relationships are all about growth. Growing together and creating something the two of you can feel proud of, safe in and cared for. Change is a collaboration not a DIY project.

The point is that when you meet someone that you like, believe them when they tell you, and show you who they are. Don’t look at them and think instantly of all the ways that you can mold them into your perfect person. It rarely ever works out. On top of that, while you may be able to accomplish the changes you want, it’s quite possible that you’ll be the only happy one in the relationship. When people are forced to change against their will, they’re usually not very happy, and if you’re content with being happy no matter what it takes from your partner, then you’re a rather self-centered individual that needs to do some changing of your own.

You might want to start with taking a look at your boundaries and whether you respect yours and others. https://amzn.to/3ATdeGc

Thanks for reading!